The Mayor of Hell Bans Straight People

The Mayor of Hell Bans Straight People

It was fairly easy for Elijah Daniel to become the mayor of Hell, all he had to do is pay a $100 as part of a tourist attraction for Hell…Michigan. The newly appointed Mayor for a Day of the Michigan town went straight to work by immediately banned straight people. Why? “Growing up, I was always told that homosexuals would go to Hell, now the heterosexuals are trying to take this from us too,” the comedian famous for his erotic Donald Trump fan fiction said in a Tweet.

“I love straights, but my #1 priority is the safety of my town,” he tweeted. “Until the heterosexual threat has been reviewed we cannot allow them to enter.”

The comedian continued with a full-on declaration describing his politically controversial move along with what he will be doing with current straight residents:

Our number one responsibility and priority is to protect Hell. We are a compassionate town, and we support the heterosexuals, but it’s time to reevaluate and strengthen our vetting process. And we can no longer in good conscience allow straights to enter.” While his language might not be politically correct, Mayor Daniel’s swift actions to protect his citizens are a strong and courageous move towards peace.

But what about the straight people currently residing in town? The ever-so-noble Mayor is making Hell a better place one hetero at a time. “We will also be offering a heterosexual reparative therapy program for hetero residents who would like to denounce their heterosexuality and become gay like the rest of the town. The therapy is not mandatory for heterosexual residents, but it is highly encouraged as all hetero residents who do not participate in reparative therapy will be required to wear a scarlet H and meet in the town center at 5:30am wearing cargo shorts every morning to be publicly straight shamed.

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