The March 18th episode of Family Guy made a major announcement about one of its characters. As Stewie Griffin, the family’s diabolical toddler, is sent to the school’s psychologist, he reveals lots about his sexuality in a commercial-free monologue.
According to Newsbusters: “The commercial-free story has Stewie being summoned to the psychologist Dr. Pritchfield’s (Ian McKellen) office after he pushed a classmate, Tyler, down some stairs. Once inside the office, he comments in a long dialogue about the décor of the room, references Bravo television shows and then picks up a photo of the psychologist and his younger, handsome husband. In his snarky gay-accented dialogue, Stewie describes the couple, their relationship and their trip from which this photo was taken. The dialogue is filled with references familiar to gay viewers on clothing and travel.”
Stewie: I do… I do feel a bit better. But still lonely. I’m sorry. It keeps spilling out. Oh, God. Oh, God.
Pritchfield: It seems like you’re keeping a lot bottled up inside.
Stewie: I am. Nobody here likes me, Dr. Pritchfield. I try to fit in with the other boys and talk about things like dirt and shapes, but they won’t play with me. And I-I don’t have any friends, and I have nobody to eat lunch with.
Pritchfield: It’s very interesting you’d say that you have no friends, Stewie, especially considering the reason you’re here.
Stewie: Oh. That.
Pritchfield: Shall we talk about it?
Stewie: I don’t know what there is to talk about.
Pritchfield: You pushed a classmate down the stairs.
Stewie: It was an accident. Haven’t you ever seen Showgirls?
Pritchfield: Yes, of course I have. But according to Tyler, it was no accident.
Stewie: Well, I guess it’s my word against his, then.
Pritchfield: It is creating a bit of a con-trah-versy.
Stewie: Excuse me?
Pritchfield: A con-trah-versy.
Stewie: I don’t know what that is.
Stewie: “Con-trah-versy”? Oh! Oh, “Con-troversy.”
Pritchfield: Apologies. Those of us with British accents pronounce it “Con-trah-versy.” But how would you know that?
Stewie: Yeah, how would I know that? Look, Dr. Pritchfield… “Cee-cil,” if I may?
Pritchfield: It’s pronounced “Cess-il.”
Stewie: Damn it!
Pritchfield: But, again, how would you know? It’s not as if you’re…
Stewie: Okay, okay, we got it. I only pushed Tyler down the stairs because I like him and I’m afraid he won’t like me back. And-and not like him-like him. I‘m not gay. This whole thing isn’t because I’m gay, so-so calm down. I can already see you lickin’ your chops. I’m sure you live for the coming out sessions. If anything, I’m less gay than I used to be. Not that anybody at this school would care. But do I think that Grant Gustin and I would me the most adorable Instagram couple? Yes. Yes, we would. Grant Gustin plays the Flash on the CW, if you were wondering. Because, you know, most people over 70 probably don’t know who he is. Think young Anthony Perkins.
Pritchfield: Ah. Oh.
Stewie: There we go. Anyway, “Fluid” is something I hear being tossed around a lot now. But I’m confident in my heterosexuality. That’s a word, right?
Pritchfield: Yes, of course.
Stewie: Okay, just sounded strange for a second.
Pritchfield: It must be difficult for you, Stewie, being so intelligent.
Stewie: It is. Whew! Just that… Just that acknowledgement. You know, sometimes I don’t know where I fit in. I just… I just want to be like everybody else, but nobody’s interested in the things that I’m interested in. They think I’m weird.